A Nostalgia Trip

This post is dedicated to my childhood friends and to the summer of 2017. 

Yesterday, I was sitting with my little sister, Lydia and one of my life-long friends, Saylor, having lunch at our favorite local place. We sat in the covered area of the outdoor restaurant, surrounded by hippie products and knick knacks, with the cool, balmy air of a May day in the Panhandle blowing through. Music coming through speakers joins in with the clanking of dishes and the "We've got fish tacos walking in" of the kitchen, the laughter and conversation of the people scattered around the decks, sharing picnic tables or walking through the shop, and the distant hum of traffic. On any given day, the speakers will be playing anything from Bob Marley's smooth reggae and Fleetwood Mac's folk rock harmonies to Train's upbeat, gets-stuck-in-your-head tunes and Bob Dylan's crooning songs of protest. Yesterday, we had just finished singing along to one of Elton John's classics when another song came on: "Say Hey (I Love You)" by Michael Franti & Spearhead, and I  was gone. 

I looked over at Lydia with what I'm sure were eyes glazed over and she grabbed my arm, jokingly saying "Come on Emma, it's okay, it's fine, don't lose it..." because she knows that every time I  hear this song I kinda freak out. Music is funny like that. It can transport you to memories like nothing else can and for a moment, it carries me away and I'm back in 2017. 

It's mid-morning, the sun just now covering everything. My little silver FJ Cruiser is heading down the highway, over a bay, towards Mobile, AL. It's been going since before dawn, when a bunch of sleepy teenagers piled into it to go on an adventure together. It was the first time I had taken my truck on an actual road trip with my friends and I was so excited! We had started out delirious from the early start, which only fueled the hysterical laughter and singing at the top of our lungs. I mean the windows down, acting as lead, guitar solo and drums, grabbing hands to add drama kind of singing. A lot was belted on that drive, from Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" to Twenty One Pilots' "Ride". The one that sticks with me though, that still has the power to snatch me away from my present and bring me to my truck in 2017, is "Say Hey." We played it back to back, getting the words down one time, our clapping the next. There was dancing in the backseat, crooning in the passenger seat, and a finger dancing/wiggle mashup from me. All in all, we played that song probably 8 times and somehow had more fun with each go around. It remained the anthem of our friend group through the summer of 2017. 

Now, three years later, that group of childhood friends has disbanded and gone their separate ways, as is the way of life. It's weird, to be almost 20 and realize that the ones you stood alongside as a kid and thought would be there all the time aren't around anymore. Nostalgia can hit me in the gut sometimes when I think about that summer, full of Chick Fil A trips, beach days that lasted until we couldn't hold anymore sunshine, walks around out favorite places, and a LOT of card games. Nostalgia is a tricky friend, it's wonderful to have as a reminder of the memories you've made with people you love. But it can also make you slip too far into wishing things would return to how they were in the dog days of summer in the Panhandle, when you were the "mom" of a group of childhood buddies and every day was an adventure. 

To everyone reading this, I encourage you to let nostalgia in, filling you with feelings connected to a song, a scent, a place... but to remember that where you are is where you're meant to be and that life, no matter what it looks like, is worth being celebrated and soaked up. So whenever you hear that song that transports you to that memory, go. Just don't stay there. 

- Em    

https://open.spotify.com/track/0nnxf8p851ZR49KFnGWVsB?si=lCc6yJGCQViZ1j2OyxHJTg

My College Journey and What Lies Ahead

Hey, everyone! 

If you're returning to my little blog, thank you for coming back and if you're just now stopping by, welcome! If you haven't gotten to know me yet, check out my previous post and "meet" me. For those of you who did read that post, remember how I mentioned that my next post would be about my journey with school so far, how I came to be a Seminole and thoughts about "this whole figuring out life thing"? Well, here ya go: a timeline of my story with some thoughts sprinkled throughout. Buckle up, this may be a long one. 

May 2020
This week, Shad and I completed our time at Gulf Coast State College, where we earned our AA degrees with a focus in music. We did it! Through a hurricane and a pandemic, no less. To celebrate, we actually got out of the house, grabbed our favorite local food, walked around our favorite little park and celebrated quietly together. Although a big celebration isn't possible right now, it's a big deal to us and we are so excited to have completed what has been an experience full of growth and learning. 

 
 
 



































2018
Ok, time to back up a ways. I actually graduated with my AA from Gulf Coast in May of 2019, with plans to transfer to FSU that fall. As I pursued my education at my small hometown college, I was also thinking about where I wanted to go from there. I think the questions every college student can attest to being asked is "So, what are you going to major in?", "Where you planning on going?" and the scariest of all, "What do you want to do?" This is what I was trying to figure out. What DO I  want to do? I remember sitting with my mom one day, wondering this out loud to her when she asked me, "Well, who are you?". I  did the brain's version of a double take and just stared at her for a few seconds. "When you think about who you are and what's inside of you," she went on, "what do you think of?" "Oh, of course," I responded. It was music. Which came to no surprise to anyone other than myself apparently. So, with that revelation, I  began the music program at Gulf Coast, where I have had the privilege of learning from kind, knowledgeable and experienced faculty for the past 2 years. 

So, music was what I wanted to pursue an education in and I decided that I wanted that pursuit to take place at Florida State University, a school I had always admired in a place I've always loved. In the fall semester of 2018, I started working on audition pieces for piano, my primary instrument, for the FSU College of Music auditions in February. In the middle of my preparation, Hurricane Michael hit. There was no school for awhile and no opportunity to practice for almost a month. But as soon as school started back, I was back at it, getting ready for the audition.  

January 2019
This is a side note, but one vital to this story. That January, I  went on a school trip to South Florida with my music class. It was an incredibly fun experience and I made some new friends along the way. One in particular actually, who I talked to the entire 8 hours home and haven't stopped talking to since. His name was Shad. 

February 2019
The time to audition had come. In Tallahassee with my family, I  was equal parts excitement and nerves as I explored the campus and waited for my turn to come. I  had never done a big audition before and it was one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever done. But I made it through and felt good about it, leaving that day with hope for becoming a Seminole in the fall. 

March 2019
Lydia and I spent the week of spring break in Arkansas with our friends that year. The day we arrived, not half an hour after getting to the house, I got the email from FSU with my results. The email I hadn't been expecting to get for another 2 weeks. I didn't get in. 14 hours from home, I called my parents and cried. I was so sure that it was meant to be and didn't know where to go from hearing "no". 
*Thought time* I  believe that our steps are ordered and never has that been more real to me than in this time. What I thought was best for me then, to go to Tallahassee that fall, turned out to be the opposite of what happened. But you know what? Turns out, I had another dream about to come true. Not even a month after being rejected by FSU, I began my relationship with Shad and we celebrated our one year anniversary this April. I  haven't wished I had gone to FSU that fall since. 

August 2019
So I stayed at Gulf Coast, finishing out my remaining music classes. I played in as many ensembles as possible, became even more dedicated to piano lessons and enjoyed learning alongside Shad and my friends. Then, my talented, passionate and creative boyfriend came to me and told me that he was going to audition for FSU's College of Music. At this point, I  had started teaching piano and was falling in love with it, so much so that I wanted to get a degree in Music Education. I still wanted to go to FSU, so I brushed the hurt of last time off, put my big girl panties on and began practicing for round 2. I had grown in my skills musically since last time and was determined to try again alongside my sweet boyfriend. How great would it be to pursue our musical educations together?! 

February 2020
It was time for round two! We had both practiced more than we ever had before in the months leading up the audition day. I was playing pieces much more complex than last year and had worked really hard to get them down. I  was excited to show them off and to experience auditioning together. It was such a fun day exploring campus, listening to talks about the programs, meeting faculty and getting information. We were both really nervous but walked away feeling like we played our pieces to the best of our ability. I  was hopeful. 

March 2020

I was sitting in class one day when I got the email. It was wrapping up, so I  went ahead an opened it, heart starting to race. I only got to the "We regret to inform you" before I  turned my phone off and shot Shad a look across the room. I held it in for the last 5 minutes of class, out of the building and to the car until I  finally broke down, getting makeup and tears all over Shad's shirt (sorry, babe). I  was heartbroken, y'all. I  was so sure that it was meant to be-that we'd get in together-and here was the news that I  had been rejected. Again. It hurt worse the second time, let me tell you. Flash forward to the next day and Shad got his email, which we had been waiting with bated breath for. I wanted it for him desperately and turns out, he did it!! I was, and continue to be, so proud of and happy for him. There is no one more deserving. I  knew through all of this that ultimately, I wanted to receive an education at FSU and that I wanted to go together. So what now? 

Now

For the weeks following the news, I asked for my steps to continue to be ordered and for my path to be made apparent. This is where that seeking has led me: I will be going to FSU, my dream school, in the fall alongside my very best friend as he earns his B.A. in Music Composition and I  pursue a B.A. in Studio Art with a focus in photography. I  will continue to take music classes and private lessons, and maybe even minor in education! This way, I  have the unique opportunity to pursue many of my passions at once and to be a part of the Arts community there at FSU. I  got my official letter of acceptance a couple of weeks ago, and feel nothing but excitement and joy about this next phase of life. Thank you so much for reading, I  hope this inspired you! It has definitely taught me a lot. Until next time, friends!